Most of you know this already, but for those who don't- Back in November John and I had a miscarriage. I was only 5 weeks along (we had only known I was pregnant for a week when it happened). I wasn't very far along, but it was still pretty hard on us. It was difficult for me to come to grips with the fact that there was life inside of me (a child) that ended so quickly. I went through the mental and emotional wrestling of- "What did I do wrong?" and "Did I take too hot of a shower? Did I not clean my fruits and vegetables thoroughly?" You know- the irrational guilt.
And the drama that occurred that day did little to improve the situation: On November 10th, I started bleeding in the morning at work. I went to the hospital, had my blood drawn. John and I both cried through the entire draw. The phlebotomist looked uncomfortable and said "So, do you have any fun plans for the day?" I said "Yeah, we are going to go home and cry for the rest of the day." I wasn't very pleasant, to say the least. We went home and waited for the results. I continued to bleed more and more. As time went on I started getting more intense, sharp, localized pain in my uterus. My nurse and I were suspicious of an ectopic pregnancy. I should have known it most likely wasn't cause 5 weeks is a little early for it, but oh well. So she ordered me to go to the ER and John was very nervous about all the pain I was in so he wanted us to go to the ER, too. He got us there fast. The ER nurses didn't really seem to believe my symptoms. They didn't believe I was cramping. I told them about 10 times that I was bleeding profusely before it really sunk in for them. On top of that, the resident didn't seem to know what he was doing either. He looked at the results from my blood test taken earlier that day and said my HCG results were "normal," refusing to give me the number. Then later, when they actually gave me the number I found out that my HCG was WAY too low to be 5 weeks along. Frustrating cause when he said that it gave me and John a bit of false hope. Even though we knew it was probably impossible for a zygote to sustain that much bleeding. In that situation, you hope for anything and everything.
I was losing so much blood and was really disoriented so they gave me some fluids. My "urine" samples were basically just blood. The first time I went back to the bathroom to give them a sample, I forgot how to pee into the cup cause I was so out of it. The second time, John took me back and basically forced me to do it. At this point, the urine pregnancy test was negative I found out later on.
The fluids helped a lot. I came back to reality pretty quickly. They did a trans-vaginal ultrasound (3 times! Very painful when I'm already cramping so intensely). They couldn't even find remnants of a sac on the wall of the uterus in the ultrasound; I learned later on this was indicative of a biochemical pregnancy. It occurs when the egg and sperm unite to form a zygote but never attach to the wall of the uterus. We were bummed, to say the least. And they didn't see a sac anywhere else, which meant it wasn't an ectopic. Which, was good, of course. I don't know why I was in so much pain though. I heard from my doctor that a miscarriage is like a period on steroids. My monthly periods are really painful anyways, so that makes sense.
Then we waited an hour or two, for a vaginal exam. Which was really painful too. Much more painful than a simple pap smear, I have to say. And again, I don't feel like the resident really knew what he was doing or why he was doing it. Every time I asked him a question, he had a really round about way of "answering" it, filling his side of the conversation with lots of big words, but never really getting to the point or answering my question. I basically learned nothing from him. During the exam, he stuck like a large cotton swab in there and said "Oh yeah, she is really oozing blood" and then took it out and that was it. I have to say that I do have sympathy for people in his situation. I think ER rotations would be really difficult for any resident because there's really no specialization; you have to have a large amount of knowledge about pretty much every field. But, still! It seemed like I was his very first OB/GYN patient. His nurse couldn't even say the word "uterine" correctly. It was very off-putting.
A practicing ER physician come in to my room at the end, who happened to be a woman. I don't care that she was male or female, the good news was that she had a lot of background knowledge in OB/GYN. She answered mine and John's questions promptly and accurately and put us at ease within a matter of minutes. The manner in which she relayed all of the information to us was professional and comforting. It was a like a breath of fresh air.
I work in the medical field and know that the learning/training process can be arduous and challenging, but this resident should have been with a practicing physician still. I expected a little more from the U of U.
Looking back, I see that the experience, overall, was a positive one. When Brianne heard about our miscarriage about a week later she said "everything happens for a reason." Hearing that, at the moment, didn't ring true to me. But now that time has passed, I'm recollecting a lot of positive feelings. For example, John was truly amazing. He was by my side the entire time, reassuring me that everything was going to be okay, and that it was okay that we went through the whole ER process even though I didn't really have an ectopic, ( I was really worried about that and embarrassed), etc. I'm so grateful to have such an awesome husband. Having a partner in life, in general, is a blessing, but having HIM is even a hundred times better. .
Thanks to everyone who showed their love and support at the time. I know my family, especially, wanted so badly to show their love and concern from the moment it happened, but they also respected the fact that John and I needed a week or so to mourn and process it before we discussed it with people.
Another blessing- John had gotten us really good insurance through his new employer just a month earlier (before we knew we were pregnant). Our portion for the visit was only $100.
March 7, 2016
Charity's Party
Charity's 14th birthday was actually on the 9th, but we had an excellent celebration for her on the Monday before at her favorite- Applebee's! We had a blast! She is such an amazing girl. I still remember so clearly the day she was born. We were all so worried when Christa had to go in for a C-Section. But she came out safely and beautifully and she carries those traits with her to this day.
I think she really liked the birthday singing, even though we lied to her before hand and said the waiters/waitresses were too busy to sing to her. BTW, John and I got her that Pictionary game there in the corner of the picture. Nothing big but she said she really loves that game, so hopefully she enjoys it!! What do you get one of the best nieces in the whole world???
Kelly, looking embarrassed about the singing, even though it was for her sister. Guess it's a junior high thing. BTW, the waitress was so so nice. Love that.
John, Noah, and Kelly
It's really fun to see Jocelyn and Steve (my little bro) whenever we can. They have interesting work schedules like John and I do. Steve and John usually hit it off immediately and carry on their puns and cheesy jokes well into the evening. I think they really feed off of each other when it comes to humor. One major thing they have in common is that they both LOVE to make people laugh. And if they can make EACH OTHER laugh...well that's even better!
March 17, 2016
Dinner with Wongs
Mom and Simon are in the process of getting their house ready for viewings. They're looking forward to selling their house (aka Grandma and Grandpa Mottishaw's old house) and purchasing a new one, most likely in the Centerville area.
So Mom mentioned to me that they had a hope chest and a bookcase and maybe even a vanity that I could take off her hands. She knows me well! I'll take any piece of wooden furniture if it's "restoration worthy." If any of you ever has some furniture you want to get rid of, talk to me first! I love free furniture. Or cheap furniture. I even like some expensive pieces, as long as their worth it.
So, on Thursday John and I went to Mom's and Simon's, cleaned up and out the Hope Chest, got it into the 4Runner (another benefit of having a large vehicle) and also the book case. Then Simon took us all out to the Mandarin! We had Simon check us in because we were pretty sure they would let us in sooner seeing that he's Chinese. Don't know if it worked for that reason, but we were taken back pretty fast. Which was really nice.
Mom requested I take this picture. She mentioned to our waiter that she wanted to meet and visit with the owner because she knew him from years ago as he was a pharmacist in the area she grew up in. He was more than happy to go get him (can't remember his name). I think he was really honored and proud that someone requested him. He seemed like a wonderful, hardworking man, very proud of his accomplishments and the many acquaintances he made along the way. He was so sweet. John and I were honored to meet him. I think he said he was in his 90's and it seemed he could barely walk! But there he was at work with his apron and everything.
At the dinner we talked about maybe having a Kirschbaum/Hatch get- together this summer. I felt like our engagement was really short and the wedding stuff went by so quickly that both of our families never really got a chance to get know each other. A lot of John's family is in Idaho (and not to mention Alexis in London; and Brent and Sarah in Tennessee ), so this could be tricky. I just don't want people feeling awkward at the inevitable family get- togethers, i.e. our kids birthday parties, baby blessings, baptisms, school programs, etc. What do you guys think?
It was a fun evening. John and I really enjoyed it. The food was better than I remembered, and it even met John's expectations! Hey, he did grow up basically in San Francisco. He knows good Chinese food. And Simon REALLY knows good Chinese food.
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